Hope...even if it is false !

How many times have you told yourself that 'That's it !! From tomorrow things will change for the better. I will make it happen.' ?? And then how many times  have you realized the very next day that it was nothing but false hope ? You accept that it is not going to happen but you still have to keep going......
It is this acceptance that fills the gap between hope and false hope. Yes, they are two strikingly contrasting words but both have the same impact on an individual.
I have often heard people tell me "You are living in a false hope madam. Hope is good, maybe the best of things..but this false hope..to wait for something to happen in a 'false hope' that it will happen..is dangerous."
To them I say, Sir, I very well know the difference between the two words. Tell me, why do you hope ?..and then why do you false hope ?... My point is..we hope/false hope not to get the things that we want, but to feel the happiness in knowing that I will get it. Hope might get me the thing someday. False hope might never get me the thing. But both give me a reason to be happy now and live. I feel false hope is much more helpful and essential than hope as it makes you believe that you'll get something  that is impossible to get. Imagine, the happiness and motivation you feel. This, for sure is much more than the emotions you'll feel to believe that you'll get something that is difficult to get.


So Hope,....hope even if it is false,
Hope,....even if others call you a fool,
Hope....even when your inner voice stops you,
Hope..even when the destiny gives you wrong signs,
Hope...even when no one is with you,
Hope..because it makes you believe....
Coz hope...true or false..small or big give rise to miracles and miracles happen to those who believe in them.

I..journey from a person to a thought

I smile. I shy.
I look. I wait.
I stop. I hesitate.
I am a stranger.

I sit. I greet.
I speak. I move.
I note. I observe.
I am an acquaintance.

I laugh. I help.
I share. I bend.
I sing. I dance.
I am a friend.

I see. I understand.
I stare. I care.
I lie. I try.
I am someone special.

I kiss. I touch.
I whisper.I feel.
I pray. I love.
I am a lover.

I fight.I cry.
I sway.I fall.
I fade.I disappear.
I am a thought.

                I am on the terrace of a 25 floor building. I walk up to the edge. I climb up the narrow wall that barricades the edges. I look down. Some height! If anybody falls from here, chances of survival are bleak. I smile to myself. I decide to race with myself till the other end of the narrow wall. I run. Fast. Here comes the edge. I stop. I sigh!

                I see a small puppy playing with a rubber ball. The type which will make a girl go ‘aww, so cute!’ I pick a small pebble and aim at the puppy-bang on! I feel happy. I gather as many pebbles I could and sit in one corner, right across the puppy.

                   I aim again. I am 9 years old, shopping with my parents. They hold my hands tightly. They love me so much. I don’t. I want to leave their hand. Let go the firm clutch. But for now, I need them. Coz, every time I cried to come in your arms, I deceived you. I hit. Bull’s eye!

                  This time I pick three pebbles. I aim. I am 12, am playing with my cousins in the garden. There are flowers all around. So colorful. They suffocate me.  I pluck a rose and give it to my sister. Not that I lam fond of her .I can hear the plant cry in pain as I pluck another and another. The colors fade. I feel good. Coz, every time you thought I love you when I bought you a flower, I deceived you. I hit.

                   The puppy cries in vain. I snub. I take few more pebbles. I aim.  I am with my teacher in the library. I am 16. She adores me. She appraises me a lot. I reciprocate with effusive regard. Honestly, I hated the very sight of her. Her shrill voice and flustered expression irked me. But her words and remarks were necessary to appease my bloating ego. I demanded popularity.Coz, every time I passed a gentle smile at you, I deceived you. I hit.

                    More pebbles and another aim. I am 19. In college. So many friends around me. How much they love me. I am so ‘caring’-for them.  I care? Really? I just need them one at a time to cater to my unattended emotions.Coz, every time I got you those friendship cards, I deceived you. I hit hard.

                   Last of my pebbles. I aim. I am 20. My boyfriend is all handsome and protective. We are supposedly head over heels in love. We are in my bedroom. Making love. He says he loves me way too much. I shut him up. Yes, me too, I whisper. Crap! I just need him to satisfy those stolid needs of my body. Coz, every time I kissed you passionately, I deceived you. I hit.

                 The puppy runs away. I run behind him. I pick him up gently. Give him a gentle kiss on that black nose. I apologize for my churlish behavior. One more kiss and I throw him down from the terrace. AAAH!! T he Satan within me smiles and I smile back. I feel at peace. But the peace cannot last long. I have to put on the mask again. Damn it!

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! POOR PUPPY, POOR PUPPY! HE FELL. SOMEONE HELP. PLEASE! ,I screamed in an excruciating voice.

Aankhon ki nami...

Emotional battlefield

Enchained by my own thoughts..

Bound by my own vision..

Letting my weakness overpower me..

Am fighting a war within…………

Overburdened by my own expectations..

Believing in my own assumptions..

Letting my fears threaten me

Am not retreating………..

Negativity blinding my optimism

My strength reducing

My belief fading

My dreams shattered

Letting the emotions capture me

I have lost the battle……………..

But,am still hopeful,

Is this a sign of another defeat ?

I wish

I wish I could dance,I wish I could sing,

Wish I could do all those lil lil things…….

I wish I could fly,up there,in the sky,

Wish I clould get someday that high……….

I wish I could achieve all my dreams,

Go that far,as far as it seems………

I wish I could love,wish I could hold,

Wish I could reciprocate and not be that cold……..

I wish I could be happy and not be much sad,

Wish I could go back to being that mad……….

I wish I could sleep,and get some peace,

The lock stil there,wish I had the keys……….

I wish I could control,and stop to think,

Let be,let go,move on and not to cling……

I wish I had that one hand,

Who is there with me,no matter where I stand………

I wish there was someone who understands me,

Who see things as I see………..

The list goes on,wishes umpteen….

Wish I could dance,wish I could sing…

Wish I could do those lil lil things !!