I am on the terrace of a 25 floor building. I walk up to the edge. I climb up the narrow wall that barricades the edges. I look down. Some height! If anybody falls from here, chances of survival are bleak. I smile to myself. I decide to race with myself till the other end of the narrow wall. I run. Fast. Here comes the edge. I stop. I sigh!

                I see a small puppy playing with a rubber ball. The type which will make a girl go ‘aww, so cute!’ I pick a small pebble and aim at the puppy-bang on! I feel happy. I gather as many pebbles I could and sit in one corner, right across the puppy.

                   I aim again. I am 9 years old, shopping with my parents. They hold my hands tightly. They love me so much. I don’t. I want to leave their hand. Let go the firm clutch. But for now, I need them. Coz, every time I cried to come in your arms, I deceived you. I hit. Bull’s eye!

                  This time I pick three pebbles. I aim. I am 12, am playing with my cousins in the garden. There are flowers all around. So colorful. They suffocate me.  I pluck a rose and give it to my sister. Not that I lam fond of her .I can hear the plant cry in pain as I pluck another and another. The colors fade. I feel good. Coz, every time you thought I love you when I bought you a flower, I deceived you. I hit.

                   The puppy cries in vain. I snub. I take few more pebbles. I aim.  I am with my teacher in the library. I am 16. She adores me. She appraises me a lot. I reciprocate with effusive regard. Honestly, I hated the very sight of her. Her shrill voice and flustered expression irked me. But her words and remarks were necessary to appease my bloating ego. I demanded popularity.Coz, every time I passed a gentle smile at you, I deceived you. I hit.

                    More pebbles and another aim. I am 19. In college. So many friends around me. How much they love me. I am so ‘caring’-for them.  I care? Really? I just need them one at a time to cater to my unattended emotions.Coz, every time I got you those friendship cards, I deceived you. I hit hard.

                   Last of my pebbles. I aim. I am 20. My boyfriend is all handsome and protective. We are supposedly head over heels in love. We are in my bedroom. Making love. He says he loves me way too much. I shut him up. Yes, me too, I whisper. Crap! I just need him to satisfy those stolid needs of my body. Coz, every time I kissed you passionately, I deceived you. I hit.

                 The puppy runs away. I run behind him. I pick him up gently. Give him a gentle kiss on that black nose. I apologize for my churlish behavior. One more kiss and I throw him down from the terrace. AAAH!! T he Satan within me smiles and I smile back. I feel at peace. But the peace cannot last long. I have to put on the mask again. Damn it!

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! POOR PUPPY, POOR PUPPY! HE FELL. SOMEONE HELP. PLEASE! ,I screamed in an excruciating voice.