Aankhon ki nami...

Emotional battlefield

Enchained by my own thoughts..

Bound by my own vision..

Letting my weakness overpower me..

Am fighting a war within…………

Overburdened by my own expectations..

Believing in my own assumptions..

Letting my fears threaten me

Am not retreating………..

Negativity blinding my optimism

My strength reducing

My belief fading

My dreams shattered

Letting the emotions capture me

I have lost the battle……………..

But,am still hopeful,

Is this a sign of another defeat ?

I wish

I wish I could dance,I wish I could sing,

Wish I could do all those lil lil things…….

I wish I could fly,up there,in the sky,

Wish I clould get someday that high……….

I wish I could achieve all my dreams,

Go that far,as far as it seems………

I wish I could love,wish I could hold,

Wish I could reciprocate and not be that cold……..

I wish I could be happy and not be much sad,

Wish I could go back to being that mad……….

I wish I could sleep,and get some peace,

The lock stil there,wish I had the keys……….

I wish I could control,and stop to think,

Let be,let go,move on and not to cling……

I wish I had that one hand,

Who is there with me,no matter where I stand………

I wish there was someone who understands me,

Who see things as I see………..

The list goes on,wishes umpteen….

Wish I could dance,wish I could sing…

Wish I could do those lil lil things !!

All in a smoke

It was raining hard outside. I locked myself in my room. I was feeling cold. I settled myself comfortably in the bean bag. The walls of the room were painted red-blood red. It seemed there was a body killed here every day from past 7 years continuously. The fan hanging from the ceiling was jet black with really sharp blades. One bed, a study,  and a silver dustbin furnished the room apart from my favourite furniture in which I am currently sitting.

I searched for my pack. There it was lying peacefully in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I took out one cigarette. Oh! How slender and pretty she looked. It was 7p.m. That is the only time of the day when i smoke. It’s the time when I meet Ashley. Ashley is my best friend-the person I love the most and the person whom I hate the most.

I took out my lighter. It was a gift Ashley gave me 7 years ago. I lit the cigarette. 1^st puff,2^nd, 3^rd and I released the smoke. The gray clouds rose up towards the black fan.

“Hello Johnny, How are you doing today?”Ashley stood there in front of me, wearing her favourite pink blouse and black skirt.

“Hey Ashley, I dint see you coming. I am doing fine.”

“You never do, Johnny!” Ashley smirked.

“So how are things at your end, you look tensed?”

“Johnny, you know how it is between us, I can’t take it anymore!” Ashley’s voice echoed pain.

“Ashley I love you! You know it, right? But I just can’t ...you know....”

“No! I don’t know...stop running away! ....stop! Please?”

“Am not running away Ashley...you are..why can’t you just let things be as they are...why do you want me to do what I can’t...every time you come here with that gloomy face...it kills me...I..I feel so helpless!”

“You feel helpless?” She quipped. “Kills you? ... It kills me Johnny...seeing you like this...Kills me...you won’t understand what it feels when I see you doing...”

“Stop it Ashley! You don’t have to repeat all of it every time you visit me...I get it...u understand? I get it...But what you don’t understand is...that...I... Ashley? Stop crying...please! Ashley...stop crying!”

“No Johnny, you don’t love me! Had you loved me...then you would never.....”

“Ashley, out of everyone you doubt my feelings? How restless i get when i don’t get to hear your voice every day, the very thought of you not being with me threatens me to death...you say I don’t love you? You are everything I always wanted...everything...”

“Then why do you....”

“Ashley it’s not in my hands. Life is not a fairytale sweetheart. You don’t know how dark it is out there.”

“And is this your way to search for the light?” Ashley questioned.

“Maybe”

“No Johnny! No, I can’t see you doing this....I can’t.....”

“Ashley wait! NO! What are you doing...stop! ...Ashley stop....I won’t be able to live without you...stop...NO...NO....ASHLEY!!!.....”

With the last puff, the smoke disappeared somewhere in the air. I threw the cigarette butt in the dustbin.

The red room was silent and lonely. Again.

Mind game

The place is small and compact.

It’s very dark. Hardly anything could be seen.

There are spiked chains all around.

Every tiny creature alive in this hell seems captivated.

Each one is struggling hard to be released.

But the chains are of iron-unbreakable.

The area smells of some strange chemical.

It’s suffocating. Fresh air is required urgently.

Gray smoke is beginning to appear from one end.

There seems to be a fire ignited.

There is an instant urge to break through the non-permeable membranes.

But the more you bang them the more chemicals are released.

It is nauseating.

There has to be a way out. There always has been. There will be.

But this one is the trickiest and most difficult of all storms.

No soothing music is able to rust those chains.

Those words of wisdom have failed to cease the fire.

Those umpteen prayers no longer kill the darkness.

The persistent efforts are not able to pump in fresh air.

An immediate evacuation is needed.

This place if not purified now will lead to fatal results.

Save this MIND before it kills the BODY.

DARK ROOM

DARK ROOM -one of my favourite childhood game.Everytime i met my friends or cousins i made it a point to convince them for one round of DARK ROOM.

Now, it seems so true-what? This thing only.....your favourite childhood fantasy turning into your harsh reality when you enter initial years of adulthood.

CRAP!! Cut it Out!

I entered confidently in my room to take my most prized possession. It was very dark. I wasn’t even able to locate the switchboard. I stepped forward closing the door behind me,it became darker. My fingers searched for that switch on the wall, my confident steps turned into slow and unsteady movements.There,I found it. Sighing relief ,i  pressed the switch on,but,to my luck, the lights still didn’t turn on. No electricity, I concluded.

Dark,Darker,Darkest, my mind was unable to take these words out of it.I was not able to find the way out. I found myself just getting inner and inner into the room,deeper in darkness.

I became quite restless felt suffocated, i wanted to move out,get back in light...i am no longer a kid-i hate playing dark room ! I need help!! I shouted, no one came to rescue me from the dark trap. There was no one around . I chose to stay alone, i remembered. I shooed everyone away. Now what? I struggled hard, there has to be some way, some source of light, some hope...but there was nothing. Nothing that could replace the darkness with bright light.

I sat down on the ground. I started thinking. Thinking hard !! Why this darkness? How did i reach here ? Why isn’t anyone around? After hours of reflection,i bought both my hands in forward, trying to cover my face in shame.I give up!! I will have to spend my entire life in darkness.There is no hope.This is the end !

As soon as my hands reached my eyes, i felt a cloth has been tied around my eyes. I am blindfolded. And all this while i was thinking am in the dark when there was so much light around me. How could i not realize that it was the blindfold which was the reason for the darkness.

Hurriedly i opened the tight knot of the cloth and threw it away. Very slowly, all apprehensive opened my eyes-There was light ! Bright light.